Shaken Not Stirred

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Skinemax is not PORN

I watched a documentary this weekend about porn titled Pornucopia. It was on HBO and I think it's going to be a series about behind the scenes of porn flicks. This was the real porn stuff, not the belly bumping and fake penetrations of Skinemax (seriously can a chick sit on the belly button of a guy and actually give him an orgasm?).

Anyway, it was pretty funny to listen to the interviews of stars like Katie Morgan and Stormy. One of them wanted to prove that she wasn't dumber than the rock that she was fornicating on--so she went on a radio talk show and answered intellectual questions like "How many continents are there?" (she correctly answered the question, admitting that she sometimes forgot Antartica, but she remembered it that day). She proved that porn stars do have substance.

I am also left wondering if there is a correlation with swallowing ejaculate and the high pitched voices that many of these starlets have. They sound like Minnie Mouse on helium, not only in their squeals of pleasure voices, but also in their natural speaking tones. Maybe one of my medical school buddies can do research with this topic. Body fluids other than blood make me squeamish.

During one of the interviews they asked the stars about do's and don'ts. One star said she didn't like when a co-star put his finger in her anus. Ummm, you'll accept a throbbing organ in your bung-hole but not a finger? Hmmm, yes, you've got your priorities straight.

The best was their version of the Oscars. They had categories like best starlet, best girl on girl and of course best blow job. Some drag queen was the hostess and she was bitching cause they wanted her to cover up her fake boobs. Anyway, the hostess, I can't remember his real name, said that he amazed his friends because as a teenager, he would know when the actress changed hairstyles. Ummm, I don't think that was the point of the movie. But whatever, you watch salon secrets, I'm going to watch boobies bouncing and slapping faces.

27 Comments:

  • You sound far too familiar with these flics, man.

    By Blogger Cathy, at 8:36 AM  

  • I've so seen this show! The beauty of gratuitous T&A aside, it really is interesting to see how the industry wheels turn to produce something as banal and completely insubstantial as porno, on a mass scale.

    Rock and roll, man.

    By Blogger Vince, at 8:52 AM  

  • Is it really called Skinemax?!

    By Anonymous Babette, at 9:38 AM  

  • So knowing all the continents means she has intellect? Um, I can train a 3 year old to bark out the names of the continents. Intellect goes well beyond memorizing seven names (six if you're European, as they combine North and South America).

    I would say a vast majority of porn "actors" are lost souls in some form.

    By Blogger The Phoenix, at 9:59 AM  

  • If you have time, check out:
    How to make love like a porn star : a cautionary tale It's by Jenna Jameson but written by Neil Strauss and I think it'd give a truer view of that industry moreso than what's on HBO.

    By Blogger Walter, at 10:16 AM  

  • A documentary on porn? Isn't that as interesting as a documentary of filming documentaries?

    By Blogger Luke, at 11:14 AM  

  • oh angel... you worry me.. like cathy says.. you seem way too familiar with this thing...

    By Blogger totolehero, at 12:09 PM  

  • I like the porn where they don't even make the attempt to present the illusion of sex. It's like, the position they're in would obviously never actually facilitate sex, but they don't even care.

    By Blogger Dirk the Feeble, at 12:39 PM  

  • Unhuh, way too familar, hehe! :)

    By Blogger SkyeBlue2U, at 1:33 PM  

  • The last porn I was "One Night In Paris." It totally sucked. Except when I fast forwarded it so it looked like real sex, and then it only sucked a little.

    By Blogger ers, at 1:40 PM  

  • I liked the correlation between the swallowing and the high pitched voices - Makes you think :-D

    By Blogger True Blue Guy, at 2:19 PM  

  • haha, no doubt angel. they aren't fooling anyone. in fact it's a total distraction!

    By Blogger cher, at 2:24 PM  

  • This show and all the Real Sex episodes have made me the sex machine that I am today.

    By Blogger mrshife, at 3:20 PM  

  • Ha ha too funny.

    By Blogger Chairborne Stranger, at 3:30 PM  

  • blood doesn't make u sqeamish?? hehe

    By Blogger vani, at 3:40 PM  

  • Cathy,
    It's one of my downfalls.

    Vince,
    I love behind the scenes...it's why I buy DVD.

    Babette,
    I think it was originally Sin-e-max.

    Phoenix,
    I agree, they are lost souls.

    Walter,
    She collaborated on a book? She had something more to say then "yes, yes, yes, yes..."

    Luke,
    I was just trying to get a cheap thrill and see some boobies.

    Totolehero,
    Yeah, you are right, I'm too familiar with these flicks.

    Armaedes,
    Someone needs to become the censor for bad porn. Make them cut the unbelievable crap out.

    skyeblue2u,
    I know. Shame on me.

    ers,
    I onlny fast-forward to get to whatever sloppy good stuff there is.

    True blue guy,
    Porn is suppose to make one think.

    Cher,
    Porn is all about concentration. You are right, it's a total distraction.

    Mr. Shife,
    The very reason I watch those shows, to become a machine.

    Chairborne stranger,
    The dialogue on some of these shows is even funnier.

    Vani,
    Nope, blood no nausea or vomiting. Anything else that propels from a person's body--YUKE!

    By Blogger angel, jr., at 4:03 PM  

  • Porn! I got burned out on that stuff when I worked for an adult bookstore once. You can only look at people having sex to awful music for so long before it looses its appeal.

    By Blogger Ruben, at 4:13 PM  

  • Now we're talking, Angel. Now we're talking.

    By Blogger T. Leach, at 4:18 PM  

  • sex is funny anyway

    By Blogger Chloe, at 6:24 PM  

  • Those are just absolutely rediculous. Porn can be amusing but it has given men the wrong impression of what we like done. Jackhammer sex is NO good...and no, we're not going to squeal like that for crying out loud.

    By Blogger Lindsey, at 7:42 PM  

  • "I am also left wondering if there is a correlation with swallowing ejaculate and the high pitched voices that many of these starlets have." = angel you crack me up.

    By Blogger Anhoni Patel, at 8:00 PM  

  • I have never watched an entire porn movie. I get bored.

    By Blogger blackcrag, at 9:01 PM  

  • was there a music award ? some of the pornos i've seen have good music.

    By Blogger coloradohurricane, at 11:37 PM  

  • I got to agree with blackcraig on this one...It just gets boring after awhile. And, the intellect thing...they are not fooling anyone with that continents thing! HAHAHA!! Interesting post though, angel!

    By Blogger SquirmsteR, at 1:15 AM  

  • Interesting post Angel...

    They sound like Minnie Mouse on helium, not only in their squeals of pleasure voices, but also in their natural speaking tones

    lol....liked that stmt the best :)

    Good one..

    Cheers!

    By Blogger icyblue, at 1:33 AM  

  • a documentary on porn, who knew :)

    By Blogger mysterious in blue, at 1:49 AM  

  • Can you get it on dvd? ;-)

    By Blogger missy, at 4:02 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home