Shaken Not Stirred

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Please Pass On Or Your Teeth Will Fall Out

I've written before about how I always pass on the chain letters that I get. These letters promise the best of luck or tug at my heartstrings. My buddy Jonathan just sent me a hilarious parody of thsese chain letters and I thought you guys might enjoy it....

Hello, my name is Billy and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50
billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe
if you send them on, a poor six year old girl in Scotland with a
on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed
before her redneck parents sell her to a traveling freak show.

And, do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and
everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000?

How stupid are we?

Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get
laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day! What a bunch of

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and
sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was
started by St Peter in 5AD and brought to this country by midget
stowaways on the Endeavour. Fuck 'em!!

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly
amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends,
this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a
nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't
fucking care.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually
contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's our

The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to
leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If
it's funny, send it on.

Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a lepper in
Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the arse of a dead elephant
for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll
receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your
underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

Have a nice day.

Billy Connelly

P.S: Send me 15 bucks and then fuck off

Pretty funny wasn't it?


  • That was funny. Will it become a chain blogpost? Time may tell.

    By Blogger :P fuzzbox, at 10:34 AM  

  • ...I think that you should use a famous name and send it out as a chain email yourself.

    If people think they've gotten an email from Tom Cruise, it might be more popular.

    When you cant solve the problem, become the problem.

    By Blogger Princess Pessimism, at 10:44 AM  

  • I'm sending that to all the people I know... right NOW.


    missy xx

    By Blogger missy, at 12:04 PM  

  • I've gotten a 'cleaner' version of this before and sent it to all the people that send me chain letters, thinking they'd get the point. Nope, they laughed and continued sending me those damn emails. I don't even open them anymore I just delete anything that has a FWD as part of the subject line.

    By Blogger LostInTX, at 2:08 PM  

  • LMAO!!!! i gotta send that one out!


    By Blogger mollymcmommy, at 3:06 PM  

  • That was super snarky! And I love snark, could ya tell? ;)

    By Blogger Sar, at 4:43 PM  

  • what? you mean Bill Gates is not going to pay me?
    oh man i counted on this money. i even sent him a thank you letter.

    By Blogger Chloe, at 6:11 PM  

  • As soon as I heard "Chain Letter" I stopped reading. Sorry. Didn't want any bad luck to befall me.

    I also throw spilled salt over my left shoulder and I don't walk under ladders.

    By Blogger Lindsey, at 7:43 PM  

  • When I get those chain letters. If I think it is good enough to pass along, I delete the part at the bottom telling all the reasons you must forward it to a certain number of people.
    If it is not worthwhile to pass along, it just gets deleted.
    Hmmmm...those leprechauns have not come to visit me thus far.

    By Blogger Lee Ann, at 10:20 PM  

  • It would be funnier if it wasn't actually a chain letter itself. Ironic? I don't know ask Alanis Morrisette.

    By Blogger Big Ben, at 11:19 PM  

  • I like it...

    By Blogger Chick, at 12:49 AM  

  • brilliant!

    By Blogger ziggystardust73, at 8:14 AM  

  • I really sent one on 10 times thinking that Rachael Hunter would walk past me tomorrow.

    Talk about desperation.

    I'm doing a joint blog with a guy from SF called Will.

    Will & Ben's Record Room

    By Blogger Ben, at 10:10 AM  

  • i think i've seen this one before! LOL

    i was always too lazy to pass them on...after seeing so many they kinda loose their mystery.

    By Blogger vani, at 7:38 PM  

  • I feel disgruntale when I get chain mail.

    Thats my word for the day... disgruntle!

    By Blogger DayByDay4-2Day, at 9:00 PM  

  • Icky chain letters!

    By Anonymous Babette, at 12:37 AM  

  • hahahahah

    hey Im still waiting for my $$$ from Bill Gates....


    By Blogger Cari, at 8:27 AM  

  • Not bad. Certainly better than the "children will die if you don't pass this on" crap. I mean, I've made thousands and thousands of copies of those letters and then burned them -- yet I am STILL seeing kids all over the place ... what's the deal?

    -- david

    By Blogger David Amulet, at 10:16 AM  

  • Brilliant stuff!


    By Blogger Scott, at 4:26 PM  

  • that made me laugh out loud...thank you!

    By Blogger Earl, at 5:38 PM  

  • So...where do I send the money?

    By Blogger Tai, at 6:57 PM  

  • Will someone please tell my Mom to stop sending me Saint Teresa chain e-mails???

    By Blogger The Phoenix, at 7:24 PM  

  • I very rarely forward those chain letters and I'm still here and doing well.

    By Blogger Lucy Stern, at 11:01 PM  

  • Seriously funny :-)

    By Blogger Wriju, at 7:57 AM  

  • That's really funny. I wish people would stop sending those stupid e-mail with the threat of something terrible happening. Duh! I got the dumb e-mail, something terrible already happened. Jerks.

    By Blogger siren, at 1:04 PM  

  • Gotta print that one out.
    I've always thrown them away,
    thanks for reminding me angel!

    Maybe finacially things would
    have been different.
    Oh The Horror!

    Next time i get one i'm doing

    By Blogger michele, at 1:37 PM  

  • I sent that to someone and they said that they nearly pissed their pants laughing.

    By Blogger Ruben, at 4:40 PM  

  • What is this consatant connection between West Virginia and missing teeth? I tinhk you're getting a complex, Angel.

    By Blogger White Dade, at 4:26 PM  

  • I've received something similar to that one before, and thought it was brilliant. I, too, am not keen on sending on all those chain letters ... what a pain. I might send one on if it is nice and cute, but not the threat at the bottom bit !!
    Hope you are well.
    Take care, Meow

    By Blogger Meow, at 11:04 PM  

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