Racing Thoughts

While reading psychiatry, I often stumble upon some signs or symptoms that I feel I have. Collectively many of these signs and symptoms can point to a diagnosis, individually, I think they make for a paranoid person.

One of the signs I saw this weekend said racing thoughts. I have always felt and some of my friends can verify this, that my thoughts run quickly thru my mind. It's the reason that I start off a post with one topic, get confused half-way thru and forget the point I was trying to make in it. Those of you who are faithful readers can attest to this. I always feel my posts start off pretty well, but end horribly-- similar to what pre-mature ejaculation can do to any sexual situation. It may have been good for me, but leaves you wondering WTF?

For a long time I've always felt I've had attention deficit disorder too. I can't seem to concentrate on anything for long periods of time. The only time my mind seems to stay put is when I'm reading medical material or else interviewing a patient. Otheriwse (and this may be detrimental to some of my friendships), I tend to sometimes tune a person out. Sometimes my friends will be talking about a problem they have and my mind will wander--and I'll do the "un-huhs" and "on-nos" thus far properly inserted into our conversation. However, if they are talking about some sort of illness they've gone thru, I can stay rather focused.

I also feel like I've got some sort of autism. My environment must be stable. For instance, when I'm in church and we are reciting group prayer, everyone must be in harmony. If not, I get thrown off and end up messing up the song or prayer. Take this past Sunday for instance. During the Apostle's Creed, there was some woman in ear shot vicinity that was rapidly going thru the prayer. She was far ahead of everyone, including the priest. My thoughts started racing and I wanted to turn around and yell, just because you say it faster isn't going to make mass end any sooner. She distracted me for a good 20 minutes later. This is what I mean about a slight autistic quality to my nature. I couldn't get back into mass because she distracted me.

And now, once again, I've lost sight of what my concluding paragraph was going to state. I do know however that I'm now questioning my ability to concentrate or even my retro-grade memory. And it's not even that remote of a memory. It's only been about 10 minutes for gosh sakes.