Shaken Not Stirred

Friday, May 14, 2004

Porn--Need I Say Anymore

Last night I watched some soft-porn on Showtime and Cinemax. As I sat watching these people pretend to do it, I wondered what kind of person would actually audition for these parts. Does an actor or actress actually train or even aspire to become one of these acting icons? I might be able to understand someone who does the "hard core" stuff sold in sleazy Adult Shops. These are the strung out lost souls who are either addicted to drugs or just in need of money (doesn't flipping burgers or digging ditches mean anything anymore?). I can't actually imagine anyone who would want to do this because they think they would actually get an Oscar or break into Hollywood.

Anyway, being sidetracked my the morality of it all. This soft-porn has a lame attempt with a story line. Most of these story lines include a detective, an affair and a murder of some sort. The actors all look like they have been taking GNC products and working out only their upper bodies. All of the actresses have great milk containers. As pretty as the package may be, they can't deliver script lines. A blunt object must have hit most of these actors and actresses in the head. Judging from their acting, they would not pass any Mini-Mental Status exam. It's like they are zombies, robotic in their performance.

Aside from the lack of delivering their lines. I think many of them were trained by the Chinese acrobatic company. Is it really possible to have sex in some of those positions? Since it is soft-porn, most of these scenes aren't real. Let's face it, the chick is sitting on the guys belly button while arching her back. The guy is bumping too high up on her ass to really be inserted in any orifice. But all the rolling around and the different Kama Sutra positions, I don't think that could actually be comfortable. It doesn't look fun.

I'm going to end the conversation here. The fact that I turned into one of these shows, watched it from beginning to end and then even thought to write about it, is very scary.

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