Look Ma No Hands

While reviewing some psychiatry yesterday, I found what I thought to be some descrepancies. You can correct me if I'm wrong or else add your own observations, thoughts and experiences.

According to the author of my review book, masturbation is a normal activity from infancy to old age. Nothing wrong with this statement. The author gave several reasons for masturbation, among them: it feels good, a person may be tired (WTF?), bored (okay, I'll give the author that), lonely (a definite reason), as a sleep aid (another WTF?) and to relieve stress. I think the author also forgot to mention pictures of Jessica Simpson in daisy dukes with those red boots peddling pizza, the twinkle in Mandy Moore's eyes, Jennifer Love Hewitt's cleavage and Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman. You many add any other visual effects you want. As per Mr Shife--no montages involving Barry Manilow.

Now here's the kicker. For frequency, it was quoted that adolescents partook of this activity approximately 3 to four times weekly, a number I felt was grossly underestimated. For adults it was stated they did this 1 to 2 times weekly. And finally for married people, only once a month. Someone lied on some surveys--fess up people! Or else those who answered the survey had no hands by which to touch themselves!!!

The next statement said that masturbation was equally common between men and women. HA! I knew chicks touched themselves as much as we did, they just hid it better. I know this because one of my really, really good friends and I had this conversation concerning "warm weather" and sweaty nights. She told me that she felt like really going at it during the song "Body is a Wonderland" by John Mayer--she said she really felt like finding those wonders during a bubblebath while John crooned in the background. This five minute ice breaker turned into a four hour conversation--about the places that we've done this and the people we've fantasized about.

The review book went on to explain that masturbation was only abnormal if it interefered with normal sexual functioning--which I found a contradiction. I thought it was part of normal sexual functioning. It also said it was abnormal if it interefered with one's occupation. It could only interfere with one's occupation if this sort of scenario could ensue: "Is that mayonnaise good or bad?".
Another factoid that was stated was this behavior if excessive or done to reduce tension could lead to premature ejaculation. How can there be something to ejaculate if it's already on a bathroom wall? I would think it would help a guy out to unload the first few ounces.

Anyway, these are some of the thoughts that peruse my vast wasteland of knowledge while I study. If I could only tell you the things that pop into my head while reviewing anatomy.
P.S. Happy Valentines Day