Shaken Not Stirred

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

The Whys of A Female

There are a few questions I have concerning females...aside from some of the obvious, here are a few:

When we are eating at a restaurant and you excuse yourself to use the bathroom, why do you ask us to watch your purse? Watch your purse do what? And do you honestly think that if someone came up to take it, we would just sit by and say nothing? Aside from your wallet what else is in there?

Speaking of the bathroom, when you go, why do you ask all the other females at the table if you have they have to go too? I have never asked any of my friends if they have to use the bathroom too. I don't care if they have to use the bathroom. I need to relieve myself and that instinct takes precedence over hunger or anything else at the moment.

Why is the chick who isn't getting hit on in a bar, suddenly the loudest one. She becomes so loud that everyone else is scared into a corner. Plus by being loud, she has newly alienated all the guys who were a little timid about hitting on her in the first place.

A female friend of mine once admitted to me that she eats before her dates. She said this way she only has to order a soup or salad. Is this true? Is this the very reason that you chicks don't eat that much on a first date?

Also, Larry the Cable Guy talked about thongs on one of his shows. He was wondering how they don't get butt grit on them. They are shoved pretty far up there. The audience members had no answers. Can anyone explain.

And finally, was Vista created by a female? It seems like it because for every move that has to get done, you have to get permission or approval.


  • In regards to that purse, you don't wanna know what's in there. Something will leap out and bite your hand if you go near it.
    The bathroom, they go there to get some privacy to laugh about the guys. This is a fact. They will dispute it, but their dispute will be a lie, women go to bathrooms in groups to mock men in privacy.

    By Anonymous whatigotsofar, at 1:54 PM  

  • lol boy o boy

    Well the purse---I always keep near me.

    I don't have a problem going to the bathroom by myself. I usually tend to just get up and leave my friends, but one or two will trail behind me, and i'm like "ugg" oh well

    By Anonymous Nutz, at 2:03 PM  

  • Purse - personally i say it to my hubby as I do not anyone stealing it. Purses are not cheap so I would be devastated if my purse/contents were stolen from me.

    We go to the bathroom in groups so we can gossip or talk or to borrow each other's lipstick/make up for touch ups.

    By Blogger Trixie, at 2:08 PM  

  • angel, interesting questions...
    the purse thing- id bring mine with me. i guess one might be nervous it could be swiped or something if they left it.

    i just ask my girlfriends kind of out of habit. i dont mind going alone, but if a few have to go, why not all together?

    not sure about the chick not getting hit on getting loud. i dont do this.

    i usually cant eat before dates if im nervous. i make sure not to be that soup/salad girl.

    gross about the thongs! it just doesnt happen. sick.

    vista, no clue.

    By Blogger brookem, at 2:43 PM  

  • You're asked to watch the purse in hopes you won't watch someone else, on the off chance when she comes to the table you're no longer there.

    Girls get other girls to go to the bathroom to hold conferences and find out how their date is going, or to complain/brag about who they're with.

    The chick at the bar being loud is a cry for help. She's lonely and is desperately wanting attention, but since she won't pipe down no one will come visit.

    Some women will eat first before a date so they appear to not eat much at dinner. Later though, when familiarity sets in, this drops and they eat like pigs.

    To have butt grit, you have to have a dirty butt.

    Vista wasn't created by a woman, it was created by Microsoft. 'Nuff said.

    By Blogger -Papa, at 5:11 PM  

  • Nice, very nice angel. I loved the Vista comment, perfect.

    By Blogger Rocketstar, at 10:38 PM  

  • Damn it...I must not be a girl after all...I do none of those things...nor do any of them make sense to me.

    Wear a thong...ewww..I tried it once...for fashion's sake & it felt just like you'd imagine it would...I'm old fashioned about not wanting anything up my anus...know what I mean?

    Sorry I couldn't help ya out more.

    By Blogger Chick, at 12:54 AM  

  • ok i'm a chick and i do none of those things, don't even wear thongs. sorry, but i've got no answers for ya except that girls confuse the hell out of me. and so do boys. lol.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:51 AM  

  • Butt grit?! Don't believe the hype about thongs. They're very uncomfortable. Food is a passion, so I'd eat well.

    By Blogger The Egg, at 1:34 PM  

  • One of your funniest posts yet, Angel!

    And good point about the purse. Next time I intend on replying, "No. You best take it with you." :P

    By Blogger Double-A, at 2:19 PM  

  • The purething is just becasue we don't wanna lug it although I laughed so hard when I read that..the butt grit is there (sorry to ruin the fantasy) Bathroom in numbers is almost is just a part of who we are..

    By Blogger Princess Extraordinaire, at 8:00 AM  

  • ok.. i don't know if these will answer your questions and 1st off i'd like to say that all girls are different, but i'll be as honest as possible..
    the purse: we ask you guys, just to let you know that the purse is there.. if we don't say anything, you might not know and things can happen..boys get distracted alot
    bathroom: i never go with bunch unless someone ask me.. it's one of those thing that has absolutely no good answer... i think that there is actually no answer...
    loud chick: she's insecure.. she has to let everyone in the room know that she's cool for not being picked up... she's trying to act confident by yelling.. (but honest, i've never seen this happen.. but if it does happen to some girls.. it's probably what i just said)
    not eating at the date: this, my friend, is because of a misconception (or not) that girls have that boys like skinny girls who don't eat.. i think it's true for some men.. i've met such bastards.. but i think this is a generalization of men...
    thongs: they're evil, cuz you can't fart in them... it's a terrible thing... i say go comando, don't do thongs.. it's unhealthy for you (you should know.. doc!!!;)

    vista... good one Angel

    By Blogger madame P, at 2:34 PM  

  • I never ask someone to watch my purse (but I laughed at Aarons answer!)but I do tend to go to the bathroom in a group. Possibly because the girls bathroom is a hotbed of great gossip, and girls are always saying the most ridiculous things in there and it's nice to have someone else in their to catch what everyone else is saying. Or you know, because I think they will miss me when I'm gone and feel that inviting them for the walk will be best for everyone. One of those two reasons. :) Have a great weekend!

    By Anonymous brandy, at 1:29 PM  

  • sorry dude, i don't use a purse. i guess i could just leave my driverse license and bank card on the table instead of my pocket if rob feels left out in this area

    i asked a friend once when i was drunk to come and pee with me. just to see what the big deal is... then i couldn't go and had to tell her to leave. i don't get it either.

    the chick in the bar is probably the loudest because she is deaf

    i would never do that. that is just dumb.

    loved the bit about vista.

    as far as butt grit goes, its called wiping.

    By Blogger cher, at 3:26 PM  

  • Hey Angel, brilliant post.
    I must be very odd, as none of those things apply to me !!
    Thongs, eewwww, too uncomfortable !!
    Have a great week.
    Take care, Meow

    By Blogger Meow, at 8:36 PM  

  • After years of humiliating purse watching, I now refuse to watch AJ's purse.

    By Blogger :P fuzzbox, at 12:53 PM  

  • This is hilarious. But you're right. Good questions. And of course, I just want to "laugh" about the Vista line. :-)

    By Anonymous thestoryofhealing, at 1:33 AM  

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