Shaken Not Stirred

Friday, March 10, 2006

Did I Do That?

I consider myself a pretty good wing man. I've always helped my buddies get a girl. Once they've gotten the girl, I've always provided them with alibies or even reminded them of special days (birthdays, anniversaries, chick got her haircut TODAY). Once I even wrote a dear john letter for my buddy. So I was quite shocked when I was accussed of the most heinous of crimes: cockblocking.

At the gym the other day, I was on the treadmill, minding my own business. I'm usually minding my own business so as not to draw attention to the ring around my waist known as a pot belly. It's not an ordinary pot belly because it doesn't stop at my front side, it goes all the way around. Since I had forgotten my iPod (damn my failing memory) I couldn't tune out most of the conversations around me. There are a couple treadmills side by side and then a row of stair steppper machines at the end of the row.

Guy on stair stepper to girl on last treadmill (one over from me): "Hi, blah, blah blah new here. Blah blah blah".

Girl: "Hi, blah, blah, blah".

Guy: "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah"

Girl: "Blah"

This was follwed by some golden silence.

Guy on stair stepper: "Blah, blah, blah, blah television show. American Idol"

Girl on treadmill: "Blah, Friends reruns"

Guy on stair stepper: "Blah, blah, blah, blah"

Girl: "Blah"

The guy on the stair stepper loudly clears his throat. He then cleared it so much I thought he was choking so I looked up.

I thought he gave me this "say something look". Maybe I am just dyslexic about the male facial expression. Guys usually don't have to read one another's expression. In fact we don't like to make eye contact--in places like the gym, bathroom or locker room.But I was pretty sure the plea on his face said "help".

The last thing I thought I heard her say was "Friends" so I opened up with "So what do you watch on Thursday nights now?"

Girl on treadmill: "I still watch 'Will and Grace' and of course 'Earl'. I do miss that old Thursday night line up though".

Me: "I don't watch that much at all. What did you think of the 'Friends' ending?" I then looked at the guy to jump back into the conversation.

Girl: "Blah, blah,blah...." She went on for quite awhile. I had sort of tuned her out. But She basically turned the 'Friends' finale into a Brangelina conversation.
Guy on stair stepper: "Do you watch 'Seinfeld'?"

Girl: "Blah".

Me: "I think Brad is in the wrong"

Girl: "OMG!! He is so in the wrong. Can you believe it? 15 year crush soooooooooo OVER! I do believe he smells. You know someone said he rarely takes baths? He smells cause he's so full of shit......." and she rambled a little more.

Guy on stair stepper: "I thought Angelina was good in 'Beyond Borders'".
Girl: "Blah".

I stepped off the treadmill, my time having been done and walked towards the water fountain. I took my sip and turned around so quickly that I almost bumped into stair stepping man. He then asked me why I was cock-blocking him. I explained to him that I wasn't, that I was trying to get the conversation going. He then told me that he just wanted me to get her to talk so that he could get her to talk (his explanation made me dizzy). I apologized and told him I didn't mean anything by it. He walked away saying somemthing like "some guys" under his breath.

Really? Cock-blocking?


  • He should be so happy to have another guy help him out with "his game". Now I would consider that "cockblocking" if you then had continued talking to her and asked her out...but the fact that you gave him some time to come back in the conversation shows that you were trying to help the man. You shoulda topped that off with....yeah some guys just don't know how to appreciate....

    By Blogger Cari, at 8:17 AM  

  • What an absolute prick! You were the more interesting chap by far. He cock-blocked himself if anything.

    By Blogger Christopher, at 8:34 AM  

  • If he woulda been a *she* you coulda 'bitch slapped' em! {grin}

    By Blogger Karen, at 9:18 AM  

  • Blah.

    By Blogger Maddy, at 9:57 AM  

  • (to him of course!)

    By Blogger Maddy, at 9:57 AM  

  • he's a pathetic bastard....
    they are everywhere...

    don't mind him!!! he totally vented his frustration for not having impressed the girl on you...

    By Blogger madame P, at 11:12 AM  

  • man I have never heard of cock-blocking, I thought you were going to be tlalking about rosters..

    how can epople chit chat while working out? I know when I am on my treadmill I am hauling butt so fast I am outta breath;)

    By Blogger Bossy♥'s YOU, at 1:36 PM  

  • Yeah how can you talk and workout at the same time?! I can't do it. And I have never heard of this term. So he wasn't gutsy enough to make his own chitchat? You did your best:-)

    By Anonymous Babette, at 1:49 PM  

  • The guy was too lame to be cockblocked. He did it himself. What a wuss. You should have told him that he was lucky you didn't just grab her out from under him as a lesson on his lameness.

    By Blogger :P fuzzbox, at 2:19 PM  

  • You did nothing wrong at all; in fact, you probably saved the girl from an idiot!

    By Blogger Cathy, at 2:51 PM  

  • Well, I don't think you were a cockblock, but I think it would have been far more interesting to watch him strike out on his own.

    By Blogger Dirk the Feeble, at 2:56 PM  

  • Wow, cockblocking.

    I've never heard that before... and kudos for making any form of social interaction in the gym.


    Great story.

    By Blogger lady miss marquise, at 6:27 PM  

  • I would have told him to go fuck himself. I would have said something like "I think your face was doing enough cockblocking"

    Of I would have walked over to the girl and asked her if she was interesting in getting his phone number, just to embarrass him a bit.

    By Blogger Big Ben, at 7:19 PM  

  • He's lame. But she watched Friends, so they probably belonged together. My mental layout may be off, but were you in the middle? Perhaps he wanted you to dis-mount and disappear. Perhaps if they focused less on their weekly layout of TV viewing they would not need to work out so much. Perhaps. Perhaps not. What do I know, I have over 300 channels :)

    By Blogger NaughtyVoyeur, at 10:41 PM  

  • WHATEVER....As if this strange man at the gym said the word "cock" to you....You should have told him that you werent interested in his "cock"....That would have thrown him for a loop, and he would have been so stunned that you could have just walked away....god...arent guys aggrivating? LOL

    By Blogger Princess Pessimism, at 11:50 PM  

  • looks like everyone thinks you were in the right and the other guy was in the wrong, as do i. if it was true love you would not stand in the way no matter what you said.

    btw, i'm still having trouble changing the dates and times on my posts - i can't do it anymore - do you have the same problem?

    By Blogger Kyle Foley, at 1:27 AM  

  • I think after that incidence, you'll never forget your ipod again...

    By Blogger Herostratus, at 6:29 AM  

  • hehehe

    that was funny, didn't realise guys could be so silly and immature!

    well he was just jealous that she was paying more attention to you ;)
    (he's not the only one who can be immature!)

    By Blogger Leila, at 11:13 AM  

  • ha ha r u kidding me- what is cock blocking??? i must be old cuz i never heard that one. too funny.

    By Blogger Just Help Me, at 11:30 AM  

  • Cockblocking? That was blocking. If you had pulled what I have seen as cockblocing then the girl wouldn't have even known he was in the room.

    By Blogger Ruben, at 4:18 PM  

  • Hey, if the guy can't get a conversation out out of the lady then she probably wasn't interested in him anway and using you as a savior

    By Blogger Drywall Mom, at 4:44 PM  

  • Oh whatever. Then the fucker should have listened to the clues she was giving him and either picked better things to say...or concentrate on his stair climber and leave you both alone.

    By Blogger Lindsey, at 5:05 PM  

  • what an idiot. BLAH to him you MIGHT have been doing that if there WAS something to BLOCK which i can tell you there WAS NOT

    By Blogger Badoozie, at 6:46 PM  

  • we (male-kind) should develop a code. a complex code whereby other males will discern the wooing of females by other males.

    now, what could this code be? maybe like use words with more than 4 vowels or something.

    i dunno whuddya think?

    By Blogger rabsteen, at 9:37 PM  

  • This is why I don't exercise.

    By Blogger Gyrobo, at 11:01 PM  

  • I would be honored to be flirted with by you...

    By Blogger LBseahag, at 12:13 AM  

  • I usually never step in when a guy I don't know gets into a conversation with a girl I don't know - For the the scenarios are usually bars, so its safer to sip my drink and just turn a blind eye

    I think I could forget my shorts but not the ipod to the gym ;-)


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:31 AM  

  • So, that's what cock-blocking is! ;-)

    What if girls do it?

    By Blogger missy, at 8:19 AM  

  • what a jerk!
    what a crappy situation!
    hugs :)
    these people don't deserve girls.

    By Blogger Chloe, at 8:36 AM  

  • That guy is such a loser...seriously, if he can't hold her attention on his own, then he has no hope. And it sounds to me like he was just trying to put the blame on someone other than himself.

    By Blogger the_mrs, at 6:12 PM  

  • I agree with the comments that this jackass cock-blocked himself. You are in the clear.

    BTW, I have your link up on my site--thanks for having a readable site (more than I can say for most blogs).

    -- david

    By Blogger David Amulet, at 7:22 PM  

  • That guy sounds cock-less to me. No cock to block in the first place. YOu should've seduced her and then banged her in the locker room.

    OK, so maybe that's too much testosterone.

    By Blogger The Phoenix, at 9:02 PM  

  • hahahaah. sounds like his jock strap is put on a little too tight. the girl probably had no interest in him to begin with.

    By Blogger joey♥, at 12:17 AM  

  • The stupid guy was too embarrased that he struck out, he was trying to put the blame on you. "Cockblocking" ... that's a new one !!! I think he cockblocked himself.
    Have a great week, take care, Meow

    By Blogger Meow, at 1:29 AM  

  • A reply to your comment on my post:

    angel: I should really post mid-week so it's shorter! I end up having these drafts that I only get to send in the weekend and they are super long. On PSP vs new iPod, the standard reply to this is it depends on what you want to use it. A typical Missy reply is, get both! A more sensible thing to say is, stick to you old pod for music and if you want to see films and play games and watch music videos or even occasionally listen to music, the PSP is a fab thing to have.

    love, missy x

    By Blogger missy, at 3:17 AM  

  • So...this is what guys talk about when the women aren't around? ;-)

    Very funny I'm off to read some more from you! I'm sure I'll be commenting again....

    By Blogger kimananda, at 8:38 AM  

  • Dude, when I saw the words, "wingman" and "cockblock" I was thinking, "Oh SNAP! Angel is a PUA!!!" I then read what happened and realised the other guy on the treadmill has NO GAME WHATSOEVER and was just trying to blame you for it. Seems you got game without even trying. ((intercom static)) "Studly doctor please report to the waiting room STAT".

    By Blogger Walter, at 4:19 PM  

  • Stairstepper is ungrateful You, a total stranger with no duty to be his wingman, jumped in and tried to bail his sorry ass out.

    He crashed and burned and blamed you, becuase obviously, it couldn't be wonderful him he sucked the big one.

    He wasn't paying attention to the conversation... to wrapped up in what he wanted to talk about to actually talk to her. She is far better off without him. I think you should have stolen her away from him.

    By Blogger blackcrag, at 4:42 PM  

  • I learned somthing new today! Hurrah!

    By Blogger sabatkes, at 9:56 PM  

  • The conversation would have shifted to him had you faked the runs. But you didn't, making it your fault.

    By Blogger Gyrobo, at 10:41 PM  

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