Did I Do That?

I consider myself a pretty good wing man. I've always helped my buddies get a girl. Once they've gotten the girl, I've always provided them with alibies or even reminded them of special days (birthdays, anniversaries, chick got her haircut TODAY). Once I even wrote a dear john letter for my buddy. So I was quite shocked when I was accussed of the most heinous of crimes: cockblocking.

At the gym the other day, I was on the treadmill, minding my own business. I'm usually minding my own business so as not to draw attention to the ring around my waist known as a pot belly. It's not an ordinary pot belly because it doesn't stop at my front side, it goes all the way around. Since I had forgotten my iPod (damn my failing memory) I couldn't tune out most of the conversations around me. There are a couple treadmills side by side and then a row of stair steppper machines at the end of the row.

Guy on stair stepper to girl on last treadmill (one over from me): "Hi, blah, blah blah new here. Blah blah blah".

Girl: "Hi, blah, blah, blah".

Guy: "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah"

Girl: "Blah"

This was follwed by some golden silence.

Guy on stair stepper: "Blah, blah, blah, blah television show. American Idol"

Girl on treadmill: "Blah, Friends reruns"

Guy on stair stepper: "Blah, blah, blah, blah"

Girl: "Blah"

The guy on the stair stepper loudly clears his throat. He then cleared it so much I thought he was choking so I looked up.

I thought he gave me this "say something look". Maybe I am just dyslexic about the male facial expression. Guys usually don't have to read one another's expression. In fact we don't like to make eye contact--in places like the gym, bathroom or locker room.But I was pretty sure the plea on his face said "help".

The last thing I thought I heard her say was "Friends" so I opened up with "So what do you watch on Thursday nights now?"

Girl on treadmill: "I still watch 'Will and Grace' and of course 'Earl'. I do miss that old Thursday night line up though".

Me: "I don't watch that much at all. What did you think of the 'Friends' ending?" I then looked at the guy to jump back into the conversation.

Girl: "Blah, blah,blah...." She went on for quite awhile. I had sort of tuned her out. But She basically turned the 'Friends' finale into a Brangelina conversation.
Guy on stair stepper: "Do you watch 'Seinfeld'?"

Girl: "Blah".

Me: "I think Brad is in the wrong"

Girl: "OMG!! He is so in the wrong. Can you believe it? 15 year crush soooooooooo OVER! I do believe he smells. You know someone said he rarely takes baths? He smells cause he's so full of shit......." and she rambled a little more.

Guy on stair stepper: "I thought Angelina was good in 'Beyond Borders'".
Girl: "Blah".


I stepped off the treadmill, my time having been done and walked towards the water fountain. I took my sip and turned around so quickly that I almost bumped into stair stepping man. He then asked me why I was cock-blocking him. I explained to him that I wasn't, that I was trying to get the conversation going. He then told me that he just wanted me to get her to talk so that he could get her to talk (his explanation made me dizzy). I apologized and told him I didn't mean anything by it. He walked away saying somemthing like "some guys" under his breath.

Really? Cock-blocking?