Shaken Not Stirred

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

A Dryer Graveyard

Seriously, where do they go? I'm talking about the socks in the dryer. Where the 'f' do they go? There is no possible exit for them short of becoming lint.
The first time this happened to me, I thought that maybe the sock got lost in the shuffle of a roommate taking my clothes out of the dryer and throwing them into my laundry basket. I searched the laundry room floor, the short trail for there to my bedroom, even to my roommate's room. No sign of the sock. We lifted the dryer up, even the washer. No sign of it. It couldn't have been left behind, because I don't separate my clothes, everything goes in all at once. This is the reason for a few mishaps, but for the most part I'm too lazy to separate. So everything gets thrown in at once. I know not to wash any of my cashmere or merino wool sweaters. I know not to wash anything dark red with my clothes either. Other than that, it's all good, it gets tossed into the bunch.
I took the loss--it was just a sock. It was a nice sock--because I've suddenly had this fetish for buying nice socks. Not that anyone would ever see them under my pant cuff. But what the hey, I decided to buy some good socks. My philosophy has always been you pay what you get for, so I've been buying pretty good quality clothes lately. It doesn't matter if you have fewer clothes as long as they are good quality. So I lost a pretty decently priced sock, by one of my favorite designers. I didn't think anything of it, it was gone to wherever socks go when they disappear.
Just this week, it happened to me again. I opened the dryer, folded the clothes one by one. I do the socks last cause it's annoying ball them up. Anyway, since I've been wearing the Birkenstocks lately, I've only worn socks a few times. So there were five pairs of socks in the dryer. One by one I paired them. Only four pairs and one solitary grey one. WTF? I opened the washer, maybe I had left it in there by mistake. There have been times during the spin cycle, it was thrown up higher and stuck. Nope. Not there. I looked inside the dryer again. Nothing. I closed the dryer door, opened it once more. Nothing! I stuck my head all the way in and looked again. Nothing! I looked inside the washer once more. NOTHING! I was beginning to freak. Where the heck was this thing? My bedroom showed no sign of the sock. Under my bed, under my shoe stool (I call it that cause that's where I sit when I put on my shoes), desk and closet showed no sign of the sock. It had completely vanished. I even examined the lint catcher. There was some grey in it. HMMM. Could it have been cruelly mashed into lint?
I turned most of the clothes that were in the same wash inside out. Maybe it had gotten stuck to the inside of a pant leg or in shirt sleeve. Nothing.
The next morning I check the dryer one more time. Maybe I overlooked it. There was nothing, just the scent of freshner. It was gone.
Do they go where elephants go when it's time? It wasn't time for my sock. It was only a few months old.
I'm going to stop. I need to get a life. Or maybe reading too much biochemistry has screwed sanity.
Seriously though, where do they go? I can tell you where molecules of sugar go as it cycles through your body. I can't tell you where the heck my sock is though.


  • Who knows. Not I. My husband loves the birks too. Do you wear those with socks?

    By Blogger Cari, at 8:13 AM  

  • aaaahhhh - the sock phantom - that's where they go. The sock phantom steals them mid-cycle.


    By Blogger ziggystardust73, at 8:25 AM  

  • I have loads of odd socks. It consumes me...

    By Blogger Christopher, at 8:42 AM  

  • Check your dryer attatchment that takes the heat out.

    By Blogger Drywall Mom, at 9:59 AM  

  • its probably stuck to the back of your coat, and you'll walk around like that for awhile before someone says something. either that or that weird guy Bob Reuter took it. He does all kinds of stuff around our house, irritating things, constantly. If i ever catch him, i'll ask him if he has your sock. cheer up!! it could be worse. it could be your shoe stool, then what would you do.

    By Blogger Badoozie, at 10:31 AM  

  • oh... the lost sock mystery... i have given up trying to figure it out... i just pile them up on top of my drawer.. look at them and talk to them... tell them that they are still loved and sometimes, 2 of those who have lost their halves pair up together when there's no more clean socks left...
    like you said, no one will know...

    By Blogger madame P, at 11:22 AM  

  • This is a scary topic -
    indeed, where do they go?
    I wrestle with mine the second
    I take them off - and roll them
    together -

    also - now buy 5 pairs of the
    same polka-dot socks - so they
    all match anyways...

    By Blogger Maddy, at 12:57 PM  

  • Roboshrub Inc. has secretly implanted microchips in each sock ever made, instructing them to return to us when the time is right.

    The revolution begins today!

    By Blogger Gyrobo, at 1:19 PM  

  • Look behind the couch. There is a vortex in the space time continuem.

    By Blogger :P fuzzbox, at 1:39 PM  

  •'s GNOMES I tell ya!

    By Blogger Tai, at 2:04 PM  

  • Apparently I wore one sock four separate times last week, because taht's what showed up in my last laundry load. Four separate socks, not a one of them remotely similar to any other one.

    The one question I'm asking is, "How could I not notice I was only wearing one sock all day, for four separate days?"

    By Blogger blackcrag, at 5:00 PM  

  • Your blaming the wrong appliance, it's the washer that eats socks! One day while empting the washer I found a half eaten sock, literally. All these years the dryer has been given a bad wrap. It's another case of profiling.:)

    By Blogger Ranea, at 5:22 PM  

  • things disappear around my house all of the time. The dryer..the bathroom...but I think it's just b/c I'm messy.

    By Blogger Lindsey, at 6:03 PM  

  • they go to a separate parallel universe. come on, everybody knows that.

    By Blogger Chloe, at 6:11 PM  

  • Who knows where the socks go. Take the lone sock and put it in a basket and in a couple of months the other sock might just show up. I wonder if they get stuck under the rotator.

    By Blogger Lucy Stern, at 7:39 PM  

  • Seriously, dude, if this is only the second time that has happened to you, you are waaaay ahead of the rest of us. I mean miles ahead. And, you know, dry cleaners do socks too.

    By Blogger White Dade, at 7:49 PM  

  • There's a little monster that lives in the back (or bottom - depending if you have a front or top loader) of the washing machine, that needs to be fed occasionally. It only eats socks, and only one at a time ... never a pair, no ... that would go against it's dietary requirements. It usually only goes for the good quality ones, too. A choosy monster !! Didn't you know !?!?!?!?!
    Take care, Meow

    By Blogger Meow, at 8:01 PM  

  • Usually I find them months later in the pockets of the sheets. Give it a shot!

    By Blogger DayByDay4-2Day, at 9:19 PM  

  • There used to be a cartoon on.."Rocco's Modern LIfe" was absolutely it, and if you can download episodes, I highly recommend it.

    Anyway, this cartoon set out to solve this problem one day...I think they came up with the "dryer Monster", which is what I had been saying for years before I saw that cartoon.

    By Blogger Princess Pessimism, at 10:09 PM  

  • The socks go where the streets have no name.

    By Blogger mrshife, at 10:38 PM  

  • I wearm y birks year round with no socks. I only wear socks when i'm curling. That's it!

    By Blogger sabatkes, at 11:40 PM  

  • I always end up with pairs of unmatched socks at the end and have no idea how that happened :-D

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:21 AM  

  • I agree--it's the sock phantom. I have lost many pairs, including random clothes. Or, as Chloe said, it could be the parallel universe theory!

    By Anonymous Babette, at 12:50 AM  

  • Funny how the sock phantom is such a universal creature--like Santa, he never misses a household.

    By Blogger ***Double_Oh_No***, at 1:02 AM  

  • Perhaps aliens are testing us? They're starting with our socks. Seeing if we notice. Next it will be all of your top hamburger buns.. there will be no salad forks to sit next to that bigger one... saucers for cups will be gone.. and the mustard? What will ketchup do without mustard?

    ..hold me..

    By Blogger NaughtyVoyeur, at 11:29 AM  

  • By the way ranea that was hilarious. Profiling :)

    By Blogger NaughtyVoyeur, at 11:33 AM  

  • "You pay what you get for" is perhaps the greatest expression in the history of expressions.

    By Blogger Dirk the Feeble, at 12:22 PM  

  • its in the same category as: why is yawning contagious?? wait, your a doc, can u answer this?

    By Blogger vani, at 9:48 PM  

  • This happens to me all the time! I never have pairs when I am folding...

    pisses me off...

    By Blogger LBseahag, at 9:58 PM  

  • that bugs the shit out of me too. i still can't figure out where they go. when you find out let me know.

    By Blogger Just Help Me, at 10:59 PM  

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