Shaken Not Stirred

Monday, June 14, 2004

Unread Email

How the hell do some of these companies get my email address? I know that I didn't fill out any forms asking for their solicitations. And some of their products, ads, gifts are so absurd.
For example, I've been getting letters promoting cheaper Viagra, Viagra subsitutes, organic Viagra, Viagra for women and Viagra that last longer than 24 hours. First of all, I know there isn't anything with the stiffening process down there. So I know I don't need viagra. Although, one of my friends from my Kaplan class said he would like to try the viagra thing because it makes it stiffer or last longer or something. If they are advertising for that reason, then maybe I can understand. But if they've read my profile, I'm not part of the census that would need an erector set.
And while we are on the topic of penises, I don't need an enhancement. Well, I probably do, haven't measured against anyone yet. But how do these people know or have the tact to bring something like that up? Curiously I opened one of these letters. The contraption looked like something from Dr. Frankenstein's clinic. It was this tube thing with wires attached. I was too afraid to read how it worked--whether electrical or not. Can you imagine getting your rooster shocked? It might not crow anymore. I shudder to think about anyone putting their thing in there. Even if it was just an airpump of some sort. I think it would seem to enhance girth cause of course, anyone sticking their thing in a hole with some sort of suction happening is bound to get stimulated and hence a little bit of filling out would happen--which leads into another topic I will cover sometime I'm sure.
Now, I also don't need to redo my mortgage. I haven't even purchased a house yet. But still Suzy Flogs or Adam Kertz are offering me ways to lower my mortgage rates. Where did these mortgage brokers even get my name? I know that my father and I have the same name. Anyhow, if they looked at his profile, they would note that his home is paid off. These people need to do some readjusting on their client list or their target audience.
I also don't need drugs from Canada. What the hell? Why would I get prescription drugs on the internet. Didn't Rush Limbaugh get in trouble for that? I'm sure I remember something about him and pain killers and the internet. Who in their right minds would buy something like that on the internet? I can understand buying an IPod, books, games and even a car (my cousin won a porsche on an Ebay auction). But these are things which aren't going into your system. And if they didn't work, well tough. But to put a drug into your system and taking the chance that Dr. Lowprice is not skimping on the quality is way too risky. I think I will stick to CVS or Rite Aid.
There are many other things I don't need, but get bombarded with ads for. I think those are just some of the top items that have been continually thrown into my email box. I have tried unsubscribing, but these letters seem to still find me. What to do...
Until another thought pops into my head...


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