Blinded By The Light

I think Armaedes (a.k.a. Dirk the Feeble)complained about the elderly taking over the gym in one of his posts. I'm going to complain about proper gym attire for the said elderly.

After joining the gym, I decided I needed to get actively involved if I wanted to whip myself into shape. An hour on the treadmill and sit-ups were not going to help tone by themselves. So, I signed up for a kick-boxing class. I know it's just a more aggressive form of jazzercise or aerobics, but it would get the cardiovascular system going and would stretch some muscles that have been atrophied from disuse.

I walked into the class on Monday and was suprised to see how full it was. A good mix (I wouldn't be the only male there) of males and females. Great! One of the chicks starts talking to me. Better--a social atmosphere as well. She tells me how her thighs are firmer because of this class and even strikes her abdomen a few times to demonstrate what it's done for the pouch that once bothered her so much. Everyone is stretching like ballerinas before Swan Lake. I never understood the stretching thing, so I just walk around, admiring myself in the wall to wall mirror, and pretend to dab sweat off my face with my towel.

The instructor then walked in. He is an elderly male (probably in his early sixties. He greets everyone and then says "let's stretch". We go through certain motions. I'm twisting and turning, reaching my arms upwards, then backwards, now touching the floor. And all of the sudden, I look up from my floor position, trying to get a glimpse of what position we are suppose to be in. It was not a pretty site. My instructor was wearing extremely clingy bicycle shorts. These shorts were so tight, you could see his manhood smashed against his inner thigh. If I had been closer, I could have counted the ruggae on his scrotom.

Seriously, what are people thinking? Dude, turn around and check your look in the mirror. The guy beside me must have noticed too cause I heard him utter "holy sh--t. Cover yourself up!". I turned and he looked at me like WTF? But no one else in the class seemed to mind that grandpa was sporting his jewels like Tammy Faye sports eyeshadow.

So aside from being impotent because of Mr. Shife's comment about seeing the nudity in Basic Instinct 2, I'm blind because of this man's shining jewels.