Shaken Not Stirred

Friday, March 17, 2006

Blinded By The Light

I think Armaedes (a.k.a. Dirk the Feeble)complained about the elderly taking over the gym in one of his posts. I'm going to complain about proper gym attire for the said elderly.

After joining the gym, I decided I needed to get actively involved if I wanted to whip myself into shape. An hour on the treadmill and sit-ups were not going to help tone by themselves. So, I signed up for a kick-boxing class. I know it's just a more aggressive form of jazzercise or aerobics, but it would get the cardiovascular system going and would stretch some muscles that have been atrophied from disuse.

I walked into the class on Monday and was suprised to see how full it was. A good mix (I wouldn't be the only male there) of males and females. Great! One of the chicks starts talking to me. Better--a social atmosphere as well. She tells me how her thighs are firmer because of this class and even strikes her abdomen a few times to demonstrate what it's done for the pouch that once bothered her so much. Everyone is stretching like ballerinas before Swan Lake. I never understood the stretching thing, so I just walk around, admiring myself in the wall to wall mirror, and pretend to dab sweat off my face with my towel.

The instructor then walked in. He is an elderly male (probably in his early sixties. He greets everyone and then says "let's stretch". We go through certain motions. I'm twisting and turning, reaching my arms upwards, then backwards, now touching the floor. And all of the sudden, I look up from my floor position, trying to get a glimpse of what position we are suppose to be in. It was not a pretty site. My instructor was wearing extremely clingy bicycle shorts. These shorts were so tight, you could see his manhood smashed against his inner thigh. If I had been closer, I could have counted the ruggae on his scrotom.

Seriously, what are people thinking? Dude, turn around and check your look in the mirror. The guy beside me must have noticed too cause I heard him utter "holy sh--t. Cover yourself up!". I turned and he looked at me like WTF? But no one else in the class seemed to mind that grandpa was sporting his jewels like Tammy Faye sports eyeshadow.

So aside from being impotent because of Mr. Shife's comment about seeing the nudity in Basic Instinct 2, I'm blind because of this man's shining jewels.


  • blimey :-/

    (Now, I can't get that image out of my head!!)

    By Blogger missy, at 11:02 AM  

  • I would have just started laughing and there's no way I would've been able to keep stretching.

    By Blogger The Phoenix, at 11:24 AM  

  • that is too funny, but now i have a horrible image in my head.

    By Blogger Just Help Me, at 12:10 PM  

  • Good grief! Maybe you should work out in the back of the class from now own. Another thing that you could do is quietly tell this gentleman that his "jewels" are showing when he bends down. I'll be no one has told him a thing. Get him a pair of biker shorts and maybe he could wear them under the other shorts...

    Man that would have just ruined my day.

    My daughter took kick boxing and she loved it. Now she travels with her job a lot and can't get into any kind of regular routine.

    By Blogger Lucy Stern, at 12:15 PM  

  • EW!

    Wearing ANY clothes that tight is disturbing.

    I recall walking about with my Grandma one day, and we noticed a woman wearing a VERY tight, revealing top.

    You can imagine my absolute SHOCK when I heard my Grandma mutter as we passed her, "Disgusting. You could almost see the slits on her nipples."

    uh..Grandma??? Did you REALLY just say that!??!

    By Blogger Tai, at 2:20 PM  

  • the ruggae on his scrotom.


    By Blogger Walter, at 3:07 PM  

  • **stabs eyes with a spork**

    It was up against his thigh??? Sheesh!!! LOL Bleh.

    By Blogger the_mrs, at 3:19 PM  

  • Eww...thats nasty

    By Blogger Princess Pessimism, at 7:11 PM  

  • Spandex was the worst invention ever. Some guy thought he was going to get hot chicks in tight clothes, he got fatties trying to keep it all in and nut hugging elderly men.

    By Blogger Big Ben, at 7:24 PM  

  • I will summon a sorcerer to bestow robotic sight unto thee!

    Or something.

    By Blogger Gyrobo, at 12:08 AM  

  • What a Dumball. He probably thinks he can hook up with girls by parading around with his meat and 2 veg. on display.

    By Blogger Ben Heller, at 12:29 AM  

  • Can't stop laughing about this one! Counting ruggae... this was great...

    By Blogger JJ, at 10:18 AM  

  • You know, I bet he knows it's like that. It wouldn't surprise me..and somewhere there is a sick kickboxing fein that loves it too... Ha-ha.

    I think I would have gagged and walked out.

    By Blogger LostInTX, at 10:22 AM  

  • That is absolutely disgusting! No one wants to see that shit.

    By Blogger Lindsey, at 12:17 PM  

  • "I'm blind because of this man's shining jewels."

    tsk, tsk, do I sense envy!?! :)

    By Blogger Karen, at 1:05 PM  

  • I luaghed so hard that I bit my tongue. LOl Not to mention the visual of the instructor in those shorts almost caused me to go hysterically blind. LOL

    By Blogger Ruben, at 1:10 PM  

  • No Angel, you are ok to say what everyone else is thinking. Its the same law that says just because you are at a nudist beach doesn't always mean you should be nude..Or maybe after 40, unless you are built like an adonis, PLEASE don't wear that friggin speedo!

    By Blogger twolf1920, at 8:20 PM  

  • Hahahaha! Pretty packed for an older man! The exercise must help! Yeah I don't know about spandex...

    By Anonymous Babette, at 8:28 PM  

  • Funny! Was the class good otherwise?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:29 PM  

  • this is why I have a home gym:)

    although I need some serous firming:-)

    By Blogger Bossy♥'s YOU, at 9:33 PM  

  • too graphic! argh my eyes!

    the same needs to be said about budgie smugglers at the beach.

    Here in Sydney - Colloroy beach is notorious for oldies hanging with their fish and chips on the promenade.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:05 AM  

  • Kind of reminds of the movie Meet the Fockers!
    Sometimes I find somethings ridiculous about oldies - then I am scared that one day I will be old and senile.

    By Blogger Wriju, at 4:57 PM  

  • Wriju said...
    Sometimes I find somethings ridiculous about oldies - then I am scared that one day I will be old and senile.

    well, since you'll be senile you won't notice it ;o)

    By Blogger punxxi, at 5:17 PM  

  • Eeewwww ... now that has put an awful image in my head ... hope it goes away, don't think I could cope with that all day !!!

    By Blogger Meow, at 5:21 PM  

  • LMAO- thanks for the laugh Angel!

    By Blogger vani, at 8:41 PM  

  • hey man, i think you ought check this article out


    By Blogger Kyle Foley, at 9:01 PM  

  • yet another excuse i use to not go to the gym!

    By Blogger LBseahag, at 9:21 PM  

  • Hee! Hee! Hee!

    Heh, sorry, I just realized I was laughing at your pain. :)

    By Blogger Spider Girl, at 10:26 PM  

  • Ick.
    Yoga works - and fast.
    And you breathe better.

    Smiles! Funny post.

    By Blogger Maddy, at 1:18 AM  

  • holy shit is right. i've never seen an aerobics instructor older than maybe 40 or 45 years old. hahaah.

    By Blogger joey♥, at 1:53 AM  

  • oh lordy..."ruggae on his scrotum"

    I'm pretty sure that's never been posted on here before, nor will be again. And here I thought the worst conceivable image was the chick I saw with cottage cheese legs--not just thighs, mind you, but LEGS--on the arc trainer. Yowza.

    By Blogger ***Double_Oh_No***, at 2:38 AM  

  • aaaah. how enlightening. good job you didn't fall over!

    By Blogger Leila, at 5:28 AM  

  • Now that's a nice sight to stretch too. HAHAHAH. I love kickboxing though, I did that when I was younger tagged along with a friend and it was great for relieving stress!

    By Blogger Cari, at 8:36 AM  

  • ewwwww....., that's the last thing I wanted to see. But for the fact that he could actually instruct that class is pretty cool. You stretch so that you don't pull anything. I can't do those cardio kickboxing b/c of my knee problems. Anything with lunges or over extending my legs and I'm out for a week. I wish I could do, it looks like alot of fun.

    By Blogger Drywall Mom, at 10:17 AM  

  • That's hysterical--we have a trainer just liek that here. It makes me cringe everytime I walk in and see that he is there. Ick.

    By Blogger Etchen, at 1:30 PM  

  • Is there really ANYTHING to be gained by wearing spandex to the gym? Is it so hard to wear a pair of gym shorts? Is your mobility THAT limited? I thin kI am going to institute that rule at my place of employemnt: No spandex, Unless you are female, betwen 18 and 32 and less that 130 pounds.

    By Blogger White Dade, at 8:33 PM  

  • :-) that has gotta suck !

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:05 PM  

  • Sometimes you have to wonder what someone is thinking, don't you? Or if they thought at all...

    By Blogger blackcrag, at 9:53 PM  

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