I've Been Gone For Too Long

It's not that I have anything important to say...usually I don't say anything of any relevance, but I feel like I've been gone for a very long time. Maybe it's cause my mind is teetering on losing itself again.

For the most part, I've had insomnia for the last couple days--well almost a week. However, I'm so tired that I can't sleep. Have you ever had that happen? Too tired to sleep? And then when I do get some sleep, I still wake up at around 6 a.m. (even if I fall aslepp at 5:59 a.m.). Nothing works to fall asleep, even reading Robbin's Pathology (which during my second year of medical school, always induced a spit drooling coma).

And it isn't like I think about a lot of things while I'm awake. Nothing major. I'm not depressed or upset about anything (I've really got nothing to be depressed about). I'm not angry about anything.

Tonight I'm going to try and count sheep.

Get A Dictionary

The other day I was so annoyed by a door-to-door salesmen. He claimed that he wasn't a solicitor (as the home owners association here prohibits salesmen from entering our neighborhood). His explanation was he had delivered some products to a neighbor of mine, that he was at the end of his route and he had extras left over that he would sell cheaply.

This guy was peddling steaks and seafood. When I answered the door he explained that he wasn't a solicitor because the look on my face must have said "you are in violation/trespassing". He said that he was willing to take a loss on the left over filet mignon that he had left. I told him that I didn't cook. He then said "oh they practically cook themselves". Yeah, right you aren't a salesmen--sounded like a pitch to me.

I told him that I was one person and that all that food would be too much for me. He then went on to say "they are individually wrapped". So then I said "I'm a vegetarian". At this point he said "Oh if you are vegetarian, then I've got a great seafood selection". Is this guy kidding ? (I'm really not a vegetarian, and now I've got the sudden craving for Burger King).

He went through the list of seafood that he had at which point I stopped him and said "I'm vegetarian so I don't eat anything that once had eyes". At this point he started to talk about the frozen but "fresh" desserts he sold.

I went back into my house and shut the door.

Impulsive

Many times I think of myself in control. In control of what I'm going to do and how I'm going to do it. More often than not, I do not have control of what I say--as I tend to blurt out what is on my mind (good or bad). But for the most part I am in control.

This is true, except for when I'm on a diet. While I can mainly control myself around food, when I do go on a diet, I feel restricted and there is a little bit of the rebel in me that goes nuts when I allow myself to. I can stick to a diet (or as one of my college buddies once referred to it--eating regimen--because only chicks went on diets). In fact the longest I stayed on one (the Atkins diet) is for about a year.

I did allow myself some cheat days while on Atkins. But on these cheat days I would go nuts. I would eat bags of chips, pizza, loaves of bread and french fries till they literally came out of my ass in whole form. And by midnight I would feel guilty and then strictly go back on the diet again for months on end.

I don't know why I'm writing about this. I'm eating healthy now and not really dieting. Unless you consider restricting fatty fried foods and junk a diet. I am eating more vegetables, more fruit, more nuts and berries. And I'm implementing a lot of wheat and granola (these things help to cleanse the poop pipes). Maybe it's because last weekend, I went nuts at a friend's party--I ate all the things I wasn't suppose to (birthday cake, brownies, fried stuff, carrot cake). The guilt has caused me to eat nothing but granola bars (low sugar) and yogurt since Sunday.

Anyway, just so you know...I passed a pizza place today and didn't peer in for fear of eating a large pepperoni and mushroom. I think I have will power.

Happiness, Shock and Egg Salad

I couldn't be more satisfied with the customer service at my cell phone company. I had an issue with my phone which techinical support could not resolve. I was told me that since my phone was still under warranty they would get me a new or "reconditioned" one(pretty sure that is just a nice word to say used ). Within two days they sent me a new phone, plus a pre-paid box to send back the defective one. So this makes me happy.

I haven't written about my favorite reality show "Idol" very much this year. However, I was shocked to my very core about the elimination yesterday. I now have the opinion that it may not be about talent, but about popularity. I'm still in shock and the words reverberate through my ears "Michael you are going home". My cousin called soon after Ryan announced the next cut and said "WTF"--I had to laugh because she hasn't cussed since the birth of her first child. So I guess I wasn't the only person who didn't think he deserved to be cut. And the way he was told he was going home placed another boil on my back. Ryan announced that last year no one was cut but that this year Michael was going home. Why? Was being rejected not painful enough, did they have to slather salt all over it?

I want to wish a happy birthday weekend to The Egg. On her behalf I would like to say that she is without a doubt one of the best friends I've EVER made. This is cheesy but I am truly blessed to have our friendship. Our friendship shot into fast forward after the practice firedrill which tossed us out of our dorms at 3 a.m. Since then she has always been able to keep me from going over the edge. You don't find many people like her, someone who goes 110%, no make that 500%, umm no make that infinity percent to bend over backwards for a friend. And since then, I have yet to connect with another person the way I have with her. Be sure to go over to her blog and wish her a happy birthday!! I love ya chick!!

That Kind of Music Echoing in My Mind

On an episode of South Park, Stan Marsh's grandfather tried to explain to the youngsters what it felt like to be old. So the grandfather character locked the young boys in a dark room and played music that mimicked Enya sounding stuff.

Today in church, I looked around and noticed some elderly people. There was one couple in particular that caught my attention. When we were all going up for communion, when one of the pair started to stand up, the other said "Honey, just sit down. You are too tired to walk all that way". There was a blank stare in this person's eyes, one of those stares that said "Don't tell me what I'm thinking..."and in my head I imagined that she was hearing the music from that South Park episode. I turned around to find that the other person did not heed the "warning" and was following the end of the line. They had made it up to the alter and back without losing their breath.

Earlier this week, I met a woman who was drinking coffee with her mother. Her dauther kept glancing over to my table, making me feel like I had blueberry muffin caught in my front teeth gap.

When she became aware that I noticed her stare she said, "I was smiling because mother thought that the blue-tooth device in your ear was a hearing aid. She muttered to me that you are too young to have one".

I smiled and said, "Oh this thing? I usually don't wear it unless I'm talking on the phone. I'm not that important and don't get many phone calls". I quickly pulled it off and tucked it into my front pocket.

She went on to say "Mother likes to have her tea at noon. The same kind of tea every day at exactly the same hour. We come here until it's time to pick up my kids. Mother likes riding in the car with the windows open so she can smell the fresh air".

I asked her mother how she was doing. As she began to reply, the daughter cut in "Mother isn't feeling very well today. I don't think she got much sleep last night. She hardly ate any of her bacon this morning because she said it was too crispy".

I replied while looking directly at her mother "I get insomnia sometimes. My favorite ingredient to any meal is bacon. BLTs, bacon bits, omelettes with bacon etc...I once saw a whole cookbook dedicated to bacon".

Her mother smiled and started to reply, only to be cut off by the daughter. "Mother thinks foods that are oily are bad for her cholesterol. But mother also collects cookbooks. That's interesting where did you see it".

I looked once again directly at the mother and told her the name of the store. With that, I stood up shook the mother's hand and said "It was nice almost having a conversation with you".

In many cases, I think that we view someone who is older as helpless because we enable them to become that way. We assume that they no longer have a voice or the strength to walk a few steps. In reality, I feel like they are just as lively as they were when they were twenty-five. And I can only hope that when I'm a senior citizen, that I'll act like I'm 25.

All I could think about is that the daughter is probably the one hearing that South Park version of Enya music. And if her mother is hearing it, then she probably uses it to block out her daughter's voice.