Shaken Not Stirred

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Covered in Bugs

There are these little black bugs flying all over the place. They get everywhere. They look like lightning bugs without the light bulb ass. Sometimes I see two of them flying together, clinging to one another. I wonder if they are having mile high sex (it's mile high for them, but only about 5 feet for us).

Anyway, these bugs have found themselves squashed on my windshield and the hood of my car. It's pretty gross. And ordinary washing doesn't get them off. You have to scrub a little. This one chick I met said that she read somewhere that if you don't wash them off within 24 hours they will ruin the paint on your car. She said something about the acidity of their innards does it. If this is true than some of those critters have been sitting on my car for about a week. I washed them off the first day thinking it was some fluke and they were just passing through on their way south, but they are still here.

I'm not sure what those bugs are called. I'm going to call on The Phoenix for help, after I ask this chick what these bugs are called.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Happy Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day everyone!!

I hope that everyone enjoys their day off.

I also hope that everyone remembers those military personnel that have volunteered or have chosen the military as a career so that we can have the freedom that we have.

Stay safe and remember to stop and say a prayer for the those who are serving and also for their families who have also sacrificed a lot.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Fountain of Youth

I just realized that I'm much younger than I thought. Nope, I didn't find a mysterious birth certificate that was hidden in my parent's attic. I'm talking mental age.

Yesterday, one of my friends called me back. Well let me set the stage. This chick has been my friend since my undergrad days. We hung out together all the time. She was one of the guys. She would get a drink with us after our Friday afternoon chemistry lab. Unlike most chicks, she would wake up at 6:30 a.m. on game day and meet us for tailgating and would sneak Jim Beam pints in her jacket for us. She was just one of the guys.

I kept in touch with her through email, through snail-mail, and now because of free minutes and nights and weekends (she's the same carrier as me) through mobile. Whenever one of us calls her, she answers right away. Doesn't matter if she's in a meeting, she takes the call. I once called her while her company was in the middle of a proposal/merger/corporate something or other (forgive me, I don't speak business) and she took the call.

Recently, on a business trip, she met some guy. It was serendipity--did I use this term correctly? Anyway, she met him at the hotel bar while waiting for her colleagues. He was waiting for his. They rode the same plane back because get this...they live in the same city!! So they are dating now. They've been dating for about six months.

I called her yesterday to bitch about something. Whine, gripe, and temper tantrums. She handles them well and makes me realize that it was never any big deal. It went through to voice mail. Okay, maybe she was in a tunnel. I called again...eight rings and then voice mail. Checked my watch 12:30 p.m. She should be at lunch. One more time...third time is always the charm. Ring..ring..ring..ring. My ring tone is "Country Roads"--no way that she would let it play that much. Voice mail again.

Oh my gosh, she's been kidnapped. She's fallen and can't get up. Some aliens have taken her. She's trapped in an elevator or a speeding bus. She slipped in the bathtub and hit her head. I panicked for a moment and then a text came through.

"Hi, sorry. Will call you back. I'm eating lunch with Craig".

WTF? You take my call during business meetings. You take my call no matter where you are...and I get blown off so you can play footsie, have a martini and eat calamari appetizers. Are you kidding me with this?

Half and hour later she called back. I watched her name flash several times on my phone. Voice mail bleep. Ring...ring..ring (no one one my phone has their own ring tone. I'm too lazy to figure out how that works. Well really I don't know how it works). Voice mail bleep. Ring...ring..ring...voice mail bleep. Bing..text message. If you can't answer me, I'm too busy watching MTV to answer you.

Text message said.."I'm so sorry. Call me later. Craig says hi".

Yeah frickin Craig says hi. I wasn't calling for him. I hope he gets indigestion and diarrhea from the martini, calamari and chocolate mousse mix in his stomach.

I know. I'm four years old.

Sunday, May 20, 2007


I've recently been watching MTV's "Scarred". A very painful show in which they show bone crushing accidents. I cringe in pain when I see these dare-devils land awkwardly on a limb which snaps under pressure.

When I was doing my emergency room rotation, I saw up close the aftermath of these accidents. The blood, the bone poking through skin, and the twisted extremities didn't bother me. I was fascinated as I watched orthopedic surgeons twist these body parts back to the right position. Now that I have seen how these limbs became contorted, I wonder if the blood and gore will bother me.

Has anyone seen this show? And where do they get the footage. I know at the beginning there is a disclaimer asking viewers not to send in their video clips. It is probably to protect them--I seem to recall something about an under-aged child lighting something on fire because he saw it on Beavis and Butthead. Unless of course that is one of those urban legends. So I'm wondering, if no one ever sent in any cell phone, video-camera, digital photo clips, where did they get the film?

If you haven't and are curious, but don't have a weak stomach--check it out. It will make you scream OUCH!!

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

The Whys of A Female

There are a few questions I have concerning females...aside from some of the obvious, here are a few:

When we are eating at a restaurant and you excuse yourself to use the bathroom, why do you ask us to watch your purse? Watch your purse do what? And do you honestly think that if someone came up to take it, we would just sit by and say nothing? Aside from your wallet what else is in there?

Speaking of the bathroom, when you go, why do you ask all the other females at the table if you have they have to go too? I have never asked any of my friends if they have to use the bathroom too. I don't care if they have to use the bathroom. I need to relieve myself and that instinct takes precedence over hunger or anything else at the moment.

Why is the chick who isn't getting hit on in a bar, suddenly the loudest one. She becomes so loud that everyone else is scared into a corner. Plus by being loud, she has newly alienated all the guys who were a little timid about hitting on her in the first place.

A female friend of mine once admitted to me that she eats before her dates. She said this way she only has to order a soup or salad. Is this true? Is this the very reason that you chicks don't eat that much on a first date?

Also, Larry the Cable Guy talked about thongs on one of his shows. He was wondering how they don't get butt grit on them. They are shoved pretty far up there. The audience members had no answers. Can anyone explain.

And finally, was Vista created by a female? It seems like it because for every move that has to get done, you have to get permission or approval.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Where Do You Find That Music

While watching some of my favorite television shows--"Scrubs", "House", "Grey's Anatomy" and "Heroes", I have enjoyed the music used for some of these shows as well.

My question is, since I don't recognize the singers/bands for some of this music, how would I find out who sings what? I one time remembered the lyrics of a song, typed it in Google and then was presented with a lyric sheet that contained the name of the artist and the song. Score!! The song was Anna Nalick and the song is Breathe 2 a.m. And thank God for iTunes and getting to just buy one song---not really sure how the rest of her album would sound, but I liked the song.

There has to be a way to get the music played on certain episodes. Sometimes I've noticed at the end of some of the shows they say things like music provided by....and they'll show the album, named the groups/singers, but more often than not, the don't. So I'm stuck wondering and radio surfing (my car is pretty cool in that the rad/tuner thing shows station identification, artist and song playing). I know I'm easily amused and most cars have this now. But I'm not electronically brilliant and little things like this fascinate me.

Back to what I was asking for help about. How do we find out what songs are played on the shows?

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

It's A Magic Cafe

I went back to the same restaurant that I ate at last week--you know with the really nice wet lady. It must have some sort of nice dust in the air because another amazing even happened.

The place has wi-fi, so I brought my lap top and review books. I stayed quite awhile this time. Mid-afternoon, a man came in and went from table to table to ask if someone owned a certain type of car. He explained that his wife lightly scraped the bumper while pulling out. No one in my vicinity claimed the car.

He then went to the next building. A few minutes later he emerged with someone, who looked at their bumper and from body language and a wave of the hand dismissed the stranger and whatever he said his wife had done to the bumper.

The woman next to me look up suddenly and said, "Hey my car was in that vicinity, I wonder if that wrecker (insert some raw language here) did something to my car. She got up and went to look. First of all, the car in question was two spots over and on the wrong side of the scraped bumper--so unless the driver was doing wheelies, she couldn't have hit the other car. The woman went out and checked and then came back in saying that nothing had happened to her car. She grumbled that it would have just been her luck if she got hit and that people like that shouldn't be allowed on the road.

I think some of the nice dust missed her and that people like her shouldn't be allowed to speak or have opinions.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Just Smile

Today I saw something pretty amazing. Well it wasn't so amazing as it was a different side of human nature.

A waiter was carrying a tray of discarded food and drinks and on his way to the disposal area, a cup of water tipped over and spilled all over a nicely dressed woman. Her shirt (or shall I say blouse) and pants were drenched. The waiter watched in horror as the cup slipped off his tray, bounced onto the booth ledge and tipped right onto the woman. He apologized profusely, the manager came running out from nowhere, hands in the air as if surrendering.

This restaurant patron, stood up, started to blot at her soiled garments and then smiled. She placed her hand on the shoulder of the waiter and said "Accidents happen".

The befuddled waiter said again, "I'm so sorry".

The woman then said, "You already said that...and I already accepted".

After a troop of waiters and waitresses cleared her booth and brought out a new sandwich, the woman sat back down and continued her conversation with her friend. She then called over the waiting in the wings manager and said to him that no disciplinary actions should be taken against the waiter--that it was clearly an accident.

And although no bill was presented to her, she still walked to the cash register asked how much she owed and left a tip for her waiter.

This sign of human compassion will definitely make my weekend!

Have a great weekend everyone!!

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Socially Inept

This weekend I went out with my buddy and his college friends. It's been so long since I've gone out that I'm sure these guys thought "what rock did he crawl out from under". At least I know that I smelled good--and not like the mold that grows under rocks. I was told by one of the chicks hanging out with us that I smelled good. I couldn't even go with that compliment and keep the conversation going.

A big part of my problem (and no this shouldn't be a prerequisite) was that I didn't drink. I don't drink at least for the time being and I also was going to be the designated driver for my buddy who hadn't seen his pals in quite awhile.

One of the guys kept asking me if anything was wrong, if I was stressed, or did I have a lot on my mind. I didn't want to tell him that I was a nerd in disguise and that my social skills were inadequate. My buddy kept saying "what's wrong with you"? He couldn't believe that I had nothing to talk about or nothing to add to the conversation. How do you explain to a bunch of people that when all you've had is the wall across from your desk and review books that the first to go is your social skills.

Thankfully by the end of the night, I warmed up a little. This was because they had plans of doing paintball. When I was asked, "are you in". I was like HECK YAH!! And then I started to talk about all the ventures with my own buddies. And the conversation started flowing with stories of my own college pals (and I didn't betray them or give away any secrets).

When we went out the next night. It was a little more different. I was more relaxed and after seeing these guys trashed, it was easier to talk to them. What is it about getting completely trashed with someone that is a social binder? I made some new friends because they were trashed and I'm going to get to play paintball!!! Yipee!!