Put A Bag Over Your Head

One of my favorite shows on television is "Nip/Tuck"--a series about two plastic surgeons, their friendship, and the drama which surrounds becoming Miami's most eligible bacheolors. This show has always pushed censorship to the limit, with it's butt showing, semi-cursing conversations and antics which would have the American Medical Association up in arms.

Last night however, took the cake! One of the characters, Christian Troy (whose butt has been shown on many occasion-- and even in a threesome that was suggested by and even prompted by his fiance. She made him sign a prenump that said he couldn't cheat on her, but could have threesomes that included her. Her reason, so their marriage doesn't get boring) had sex with an ugly chick. His previous conquers have been godesses that Victoria Secret models can only aspire to become in their wet dreams. But on yesterday's episode, in grieving rage (he was left at the alter), he had sex with an ordinary plain Jane (horrid looking--not sure where they found this actress). The stipulation? He told her that if she wanted to have sex with him, he had to put a bag over her head! How many times, have we joked about placing a bag over some chick's head so that we could have sex with just her body? Dr. Troy accomplished this--the girl willing placed a brown-paper bag over her head and then assumed a doggy style position. The scene ended with a tearful woman grabbing her underwear and slinking out the door. Dr. Troy of course rolled over and went to sleep (he doesn't smoke cause he has glow in black light white teeth).

I thought this was it, Dr. Troy was going to end up in court. This would be the ensuing drama for the next couple shows. He would somehow get out of it. The highly rated series on F/X had to continue, after all yesterday's show was completely sponsored by Heineken. Nope, no charges were pressed. The woman came into Dr. Troy's office. She told him that she searched for answers on the internet for the experience she went through. She then said she had found it. The answers pointed out the fact that she was a masochist, the tears she shed werent' tears of humiliation--they were tears of joy for an orgasm she never had.

The final scene? She told Dr. Troy that if he ever needed her to call. She left her number inscribed on a brown paper grocery bag. Fade to black. Stay tuned for scenes from next week's all new "Nip/Tuck".

Skinemax is not PORN

I watched a documentary this weekend about porn titled Pornucopia. It was on HBO and I think it's going to be a series about behind the scenes of porn flicks. This was the real porn stuff, not the belly bumping and fake penetrations of Skinemax (seriously can a chick sit on the belly button of a guy and actually give him an orgasm?).

Anyway, it was pretty funny to listen to the interviews of stars like Katie Morgan and Stormy. One of them wanted to prove that she wasn't dumber than the rock that she was fornicating on--so she went on a radio talk show and answered intellectual questions like "How many continents are there?" (she correctly answered the question, admitting that she sometimes forgot Antartica, but she remembered it that day). She proved that porn stars do have substance.

I am also left wondering if there is a correlation with swallowing ejaculate and the high pitched voices that many of these starlets have. They sound like Minnie Mouse on helium, not only in their squeals of pleasure voices, but also in their natural speaking tones. Maybe one of my medical school buddies can do research with this topic. Body fluids other than blood make me squeamish.

During one of the interviews they asked the stars about do's and don'ts. One star said she didn't like when a co-star put his finger in her anus. Ummm, you'll accept a throbbing organ in your bung-hole but not a finger? Hmmm, yes, you've got your priorities straight.

The best was their version of the Oscars. They had categories like best starlet, best girl on girl and of course best blow job. Some drag queen was the hostess and she was bitching cause they wanted her to cover up her fake boobs. Anyway, the hostess, I can't remember his real name, said that he amazed his friends because as a teenager, he would know when the actress changed hairstyles. Ummm, I don't think that was the point of the movie. But whatever, you watch salon secrets, I'm going to watch boobies bouncing and slapping faces.

The Duck Tagged Me

The Duck (www.quackingup.blogspot.com) tagged me. I don't know how to do that magical thing where you would click on the Duck and get to his website. Anyway, only because of my great respect for his amazing blog, did I bother to fill out this questionnaire! Happy reading!

1. First name: Angel

2. Were you named after anyone?Yes, I'm a junior, as was my father, grandfather and so on and so on.

3. Do you wish on stars? Yes

4. When did you last cry? Not really sure
.
5. Do you like your handwriting?Other people like it, I don't.

6. What is your favorite lunch meat?Turkey

7. What is your birth date? May 29

8. What is your most embarrassing CD? American Idol Season 4

9. If you were another person would you be friends with you? Yes

10. Are you a daredevil? Nope

11. Favorite Magazines? None really.

12. Do looks matter? As long as they aren't butt ugly.

13. How do you release anger? Treadmill or beat a tennis ball against a wall.

14. Where is your second home? I don't know. My family has a second home in Florida, does that count?

15. Do you trust others easily? Yes I do.

16. What was your favorite toy as a child? A Lionel train set that blew real smoke!!!

17. What class in high school do you think was totally useless? Library science

18. Do you have a journal? Several

19. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Yup

20. Favorite movie(S):Heathers, the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

21. What are your nicknames? Jun, Gunga, Jinge, Grunge

22. Would you bungee jump? I don't like heights.

23. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Yes

24. Do you think that you are strong? Yes

25. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Chocolate

26. Shoe Size? 7 1/2

27. What is your favorite color? Hunter green

28. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?My height.

29. Who do you miss most? My grandmother

30. Do you want everyone you send this to send it back?I got blog tagged by a great blogger, the only reason I'm filling this out.

31. What color pants are you wearing? blue

32. What are you listening to right now? Shark Tale is on the DVD

33. Last thing you ate?Turkey dinner with chocolate and pecan pie for dessert.

34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Hunter green

35. What is the weather like right now?cloudy

36. Last person you talked to on the phone? My sister

37. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?Their mammary glands!

38. Do you like the person who sent this to you?I got tagged

39. How Are You Today? Full

40. Favorite Drink?Martinis-shaken not stirred and none of that flavored crap. Just an old fashiooned martini, dirty with an olive.

41. Favorite Sport? Tennis

42. Hair Color? Black

43. Eye Color?Brown

44. Do you wear contacts?Nope

.45. Favorite Food? Breakfast food.

46. Last Movie You Watched? Guess Who.

47. Favorite day of the year? Most days

48. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? Scary

49. Summer Or Winter? Winter

50. Hugs OR Kisses?Both

51. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Pecan pie

52. Who Is Most Likely To Respond?N/A
53. Who Is Least Likely To Respond?N/A

54. Living Arrangements? I am alive.

55. What Books Are You Reading? Anatomy and First Aid for Step 1 USMLE

56. What's On Your Mouse Pad ? Nothing

57. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? Something on Skinemax (Vegas Sex Games)

59. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Beatles. I don't like the Stones symbol--nothing cool about a big male tongue coming at you.

60. What's the furthest you've been from home?I went to medical school abroad (the Philippines). That's the furthest I've been from West Virginia.

Happy Thanksgiving

I would like to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.

My neck of the woods just got it's first blanketing of snow. It's wet, but powdery so the outside looks like the backdrop to all those fairy-tale holiday specials. I'm hoping that the neighborhood children don't track thru it all too soon--then it just turns to mush.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Tide is High

This weekend I watched the re-make of "The Poseidon Adventure". Don't ask me why. I have no satisfactory answer.

One scene sticks in my mind. The scene is an example of the fine acting and script writing. It rivals that of Skinemax soft porn. Steve Guttenberg's character left his shoes in his room during the accident. He cut his foot while wading thru the debris. To help him walk, his girlfriend took shoes off of a dead man and handed them to Steve. In repulsion Steve said, "What are you doing?". She replied, "You want to live?". Steve thought for awhile, the music started to crescendo and he said "Yes I do", took the shoes and put them on.

Are you kidding me with some of these award wanna-be moments! The orginal movie was good, why fix it? I generally don't like remakes. If it aint' broke don't fix it. And if it was already bad to begin with, don't try to re-do it. Let it rot with the stale popcorn at a dollar movie theatre.

Does anyone remember any stupid lines/scenes from a movie which they can't get out of their head?

Spam--Not Just for Email Anymore

My father recently asked me to go with him to Sam's Warehouse. He was going to buy some stuff to put into a box that he was shipping to the Philippines.

He is going over there in February on a medical mission--free clinics for the needy.
The box he is shipping this week, will arrive approximately the same time he will. I guess it's going by boat or someone is carrying it over there. Why is it taking three months?

So we go to Sam's, this warehouse of food in bulk. Everything is bigger over there--the party bags of Doritoes, the toothpaste tubes. I felt like Jack after climbing the beanstalk. Dad immediately heads for the canned goods section. He tells me that he wants to get some food for some of his brothers who are still over there. His first pick? SPAM!

I remember that while I went to medical school there, the local classmates loved Spam. I couldn't understand their fascination with processed ham in a can. I know that growing up, my mother would prepare it for breakfast on occasion--thank God she discovered bacon. It was good, when fried to a crisp, leaving none of the original recognizable meat. Anyway, Dad was piling this stuff into the cart--along with Vienna Sausage and corned beef.

My only thoughts were, "Do you like the people that you are giving this to?". I would never give a gift of spam. Anyway, from what I could count, there were approximately 80 cans of spam and equal amounts of Vienna Sausage and corned beef. After the mutilated meat in a can, he then filled the cart with normal stuff like Skittles, Crunch bars, coffee and Starburst.

I helped him pack this crap into a box and then waited for the shipping guy to come and pick up the box. When he came and asked for the contents, he replied--"Your relatives are going to love this box". WTF?

What the F...?

Here's another What the Fuck moment....

One of the furniture commercials I saw lately had me throwing a hissy fit. And not just an ordinary hissy fit, but one of those high pitched screaming ones that made all the dogs of my neighborhood howl like there was a new moon. The commercial was simple picturing a company representative speaking to the audience with the utmost urgency. He said that their main base, or at least one of their original stores was in Florida and they needed to help those in need. They needed to help the people of Florida.

I was waiting for the a phone number to flash for donation relief or for them to say they were having a sale, 10 percent of the proceeds going to help hurrican victims. Instead, the guy said something about working harder to deliver furniture to their beloved customers, those who "needed it". They were now going to deliver faster and for longer hours.

What the "F"? If they were trying to do a "Geiko", it was badly pulled off. Not funny in the least. Victims of a hurricane need water, food and clothes. They don't need an eight piece dining room set you idiot! They don't even have food to put on that table moron!

I'm done screaming at a pitch that breaks sound barriers. Most of the dogs are now asleep.

Madame Butterfly An Opera with Sub-Titles

My cousin Sue and my buddy Tim convinced me to watch my first opera this weekend--Madame Butterfly. The story is about a sailor who purchases a bride for nine-hundred ninety-nine years. The catch is, he has the option to opt out of this contract because she's on a month to month approval (why don't all marriage contracts come with this option?). So after he has this lady (who was a geisha by trade) fall in love with him, he leaves for the United States vowing to return. Meanwhile, Madame Butterfly gives birth to a child--a little boy with blonde hair and blue eyes (this is possible in the Asian world--my brother and his wife have one. The child has blonde hair and blue yes, but my brother's face. Genetics is cool huh?).

Three years later (he had promised her he'd return when the robin made it's nest again a.k.a. SPRING!) he returns, but with a new wife (she's gorgeous by the way--in a Debra Messing sort of sexy). The sailor and his wife end up wanting to take the child back to America with them. This distresses Madame Butterfly and in her depression, she kills herself hari-kari.

Now, I missed most of the action on stage. The opera is completely done in Italian. However, for the uneducated like me, there were sub-titles which flashed on a small screen above the stage. So I spent most of the time reading what was being said. The lyrics were actually pretty nice. One statement I remember in particular, uttered by Madame butterfly: "I gave the earth my tears, she gave me flowers". Yes, she actually wailed that much about the sailor being gone!!! Although I was reading half the time, I did hear the distress in her high pitched voice. But you see, what did she expect? She was an off-the-rack bride. She knew she could be returned. As for falling in love? W.T.F.? Sex and lust isn't love!

Now for my critique:
The sailor was named Benjamin Franklin Pinkerton and he sailed on a ship named Abraham Lincoln. In the sailor's home (which he left to Madame Butterfly), they constantly flashed in the background pictures of the old movie stars (Clark Gable, Great Garbo, The Little Rascals). Very distracting to me. The sailor was played by some dude who looked like Dennis Hopper's character from Blue Velvet. So he was convincing as a scoundrel!!!

The female was played by a Japanese actress who looked 30 in Asian years (we look younger than our ages, so 30 would be about 40 in other years). She was trying to pull off 15 years old.
She did not, I repeat, did not look 15. They called her butterfly because she was suppose to be a pretty thing. The only time she looked like a butterfly to me was when she spread her arms during song and her kimono cloth fell to the ground, giving me the illusion that she had wings.

I had a good time, probably mainly to the company of Sue and Tim. They both got earfuls of either my sighs or complaints. I was shushed numerous times, as I would point out various mistakes (not of the singing) but of the stage direction. And I have a feeling they won't invite me to their next opera outing.

A really cool tatoo

I sat behind a man this weekend that had a really cool tatoo.
The man was going bald, and at the edge of his hairline, there was a tatoo of a guy pushing a lawn mower. Very creative!

Blog Make-Over

I redid the look, actually just picked a template from one of the many offerings they had. It was easier than trying to create a look myself. I still have no idea how web pages work or even how this next post will magically appear into cyberspace. I'm completely computer illiterate, a sad characteristic to have in this day and age. For example when I bought my current laptop, my only requirements were that it received email and deployed it. And of course, something I didn't tell the salesperson--have a great screen for internet porn. And now that I've seen my buddy's Apple notebook and the incredible graphics it has, I might go out and get one of those. The DVD he played look almost HD, if that's possible. I wonder if those internet porn comes in HD.

And of course I digress. Anyway, the reason that I changed the look, although subtle, was because the last template looked like it had upside-down crosses on it. I'm sure it was just the design and not meant to actually be a decorative "anti-Christ" statement. However, the strict Roman Catholic soul in me would not allow it. I tried to ignore once I notice it. I even thought, I'll have to go through the trouble of changing this again, which was quite difficult in the first place. I'm telling you, I took the chance that the whole blog would disappear in the first place. But luckily with the help of a friend that knew his way around a keyboard, everything was saved.

My inner-Catholic school raised and still Catholic law abiding persona would not have the upside-down crosses, for fear I would somehow corrupt other people or subconsciously show support for those opposed to Christ. I actually agonized over this final change. Can you believe that it made me stress about this?

Anyhow, for anyone that noticed the change--this is why my guilt ruling conscience did this. I would like to thank Sister Helen for that ingrained characteristic. Because of her classroom ethics, I let my conscience be my guide!

Make-over Madness

What the fuck...?

One of my friends, well he isn't so much my friend as he is my mother's jeweler, attempted to give me "fashion" advice. He tried to get me to buy a Gucci laptop bag/purse/thingamajig. Not only was this purse blatantly a purse, but it had those big G's all over it, like some child's alphabet writing pad. I didn't know what to say. Uh, did he not notice I am a 5'4" Asian? I would end up looking like a Sex in the Cityish pimped up Jet-Li mobster character--just without the washboard abs, charm or karate skills. What are some people thinking? This was not advice that I could use. What makes him think I was auditioning to be the next celebutante?

Maybe, just maybe I might be able to pull something like that off in a bigger city, one where I could hide on the subway or in a crowd of people. If I was one of those fitted tee wearing, white gold jewelry wearing, manbag sporting metrosexuals, I could see the possiblity. My favorite dress-up outfit is my overalls--ask anyone from my Kaplan review classes. And if it's really formal occasion, I'll wear the rope belt with it. I was in no way digging this poor excuse for a man to carry a purse contraption. And haven't guys who tried to pull off similar fashion faux pauxs been mistaken for deer--BLAM BLAM BLAM!!!

Besides, I don't have shoes to go with it. That would have started a whole new shopping expedition.

History Repeats Itself

One of my cousins, Karen, sent me this forward. It's a little historically weird. But what is even weirder is that someone actually took the time out to correlate everything in it. Really who has all that time to think of weird unrelated items and to put them together, write it down and pass it on? It must have been a fellow blogger..... I like the last comparison the best. To me it's the most eerie!


Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Now it gets really weird. Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson. Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839. Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names are composed of fifteen letters. Now hang on to your seat. Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.' Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'
Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse. Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the kicker... A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Where Would You Eat?

This morning on a radio station, one DJ said she was in a restaurant in the Pittsburgh area, when she saw a violation of FDA. She said she and her child were in the bathroom when an employee came in, did her business, checked her look in the mirror and then left (gasp!) without washing her hands.

The DJ then told her daughter, "You can eat her but I'm not going to".

We all see the sign, "All employees must wash their hands". Most of us don't wash our hands, and how many of them really do when no one is looking? Let's face it, more gets done to our food in the fast food and restaurant business than we care to know. We've heard the urban legends and seen some of the hidden camera documentaries.

Anyway, the point of my story was, this DJ would subject her child to the urine or fece laden food touched by this employee, but save herself? I'm not thinking too highly of her parenting skills right now. When a co-DJ asked her about those actions, she said that it was a restaurant that her child enjoyed eating in (hmmm child liking fast food, I'm thinking McDonald's or Burger King) and she didn't want the child to get upset. Let's see...temper versus explosive diarrhea due to contaminated food! One or the other?

Which is a better situation to have...a screaming tantrum throwing child for the ride home, or a greenish yellow stained car seat with the smell of hard boiled egg yokes?

Musical Requests

My f riend and I were talking about Delilah and her radio station. We always seem to find humor in the call requests and even joke that one day she and I were going to call in and dedicate something cheesy to each other.

Anyway, this got me thinking. Most of the music that gets played are slow love songs with flowery lyrics backed up by flutes, harps, violins and piano solos. I was wondering if I called in and said I would like to dedicate a song to a potential one night stand, maybe something like 50 cent's "Candy Shop". Do you think Delilah would even have that song in her library? Would it be beside her Josh Groban or Jim Brickman CD? Would she even entertain a call about one night stands? It seems to me that she only takes calls in which she could also tell the audience about her own life, because every call she takes, she turns back on herself and the call becomes about Delilah's own experiences.

It reminded me of a time my medical school buddies and I were in a lounge (how we ended up there, only the earlier shots of tequila can tell you). This lounge singer was taking requests--she asked that we write them down on a napkin and send them up via waiter. Many of the first requests were boring and I guess we were bored but wanted to drink our "cover charge" worth (our money was redeemed in drinks--another baffling phenomenon to me--wasted as we were agreed to pay a cover charge. I'm thinking the bouncer was a topless chick). So my buddy Ryan wrote down "Freak on a Leash" by Korn and sent it up. The lounge singer was not impressed. You could see her blood boil and she immediately looked at our table (was it obvious we didn't belong) and stated that she was in no mood for badly played jokes. Needless to say, we weren't allowed to drink the rest of our gin and tonics.

Does anyone know if Delilah has the 50 cent CD in her collection?

I'll take you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollypop,
Go 'head girl don't you stop,
Keep going til you hit the spot.
50 cent from the album "The Massacre"

Magic Stick

My father, being the gadget freak that he is, recently purchased a karaoke singing gadget ironically called "Magic Stick". I say ironic because there is nothing magic about it. If it were magic, it would disappear or at least change the tone deaf users into somewhat bearable singers. This came in the mail yesterday and is pretty simple to work. One can just attach it to the television and then look thru this book for a song. The music is already stored in the "stick" and the microphone has numbers like a telephone on it. Just punch in the corresponding number of the song, and poof--the lyrics appear on screen along with images of chicks riding horses and many, many views of the Grand Canyon (especially with the cheesy Barry Manilow love songs). My father and mother enjoyed this gadget for a good 3 hours yesterday. Oh yes, it not only comes with one magic stick, but a wireless one as well--so my mother and father were a duet, even when Mom was in the kitchen cooking rice.

I'm sure I'll be borrowing the Magic Stick sometime in future, for the pleasure of any house guests I may have!!!

Meet Me at the Flagpost

Out of sheer boredom and because I was at my cousin's house listening to the drivel that real grown up adults have, I wandered into the TV room and proceeded to watch whatever was on. Since my cousin has two different types of satellite television, one being "The Filipino" channels, I just watched whatever station was left on. There were too many remote controls to manuever and also too many channels to sift through. My head was reeling from the adult talk and I was in hibernation mode because of the incredibly large meal of ribs, roast beef with steamed veggies and gravy, and chocolate truffle ice cream. So I literally just stared at the screen.

My niece had left it on "One Tree Hill" whilst she took a "very important" phone call in the next room. Pretty interesting, except for the fact that these 25 year old people were trying to pull off being characters in high school. Due to the complex dialogue, I had thought they were in college or maybe one year post-grad. Lets face it, the vocabulary these "teenagers" use--very mind boggling. I only knew most of those words for the English vocabulary test and once they were used for that exam, my brain was left void of their existence. The scene I happened upon was a very touching heartfelt moment between a mother and daughter walking through a park--until they got into a fight over an article the mother had written. This girl accused the mother of fraudulent behavior and then told her to "Go To Hell". After this somewhat adult scene--she ran home to put on her cheerleading outfit and held cheerleading tryouts.

My niece then told me that the premise of the show was about two brothers who went to the same school. Only these brothers had different mothers. One brother was sired during high school prom, the other brother sired when the father went away to college. The legitimate brother got to live in a big house at the address One Tree Hill. The other brother lived a mediocre life (although he has expensive clothes) on the other side of town--his mom didn't get to go to college because she was pregnant. Anyway, these brothers didn't know the other existed until high school basketball tryouts. And so the rivalry begins....

Did anyone have those grown-up problems in high school? Did anyone else have their own fully furnished apartment in high school? Did anyone have that much sex in high school? And did anyone ever find a naked rival cheerleader in their backseat?

I'm definitely tuning in next week to see what happened to the naked rival cheerleader (who got slapped by a jealous girlfriend--see there was even bitch slapping. If I were the director, they would have gotten into a rolling on top of one another fight).

Fate or Something Like It

My cousin Joelle Gairdner and I were recently talking about fate, the people you meet along the way and the outcomes of the decisions you make. She told me that she believed that you eventually end up where you are suppose to be at any given point in your life. However, how you get there whether the scenic route or by highway was based on your decisions.

I told her that you were meant to meet every person in your life, no matter how little or big a difference they made. Every person you run into will have an influence somehow and will alter your view of the world. And each person will help you to understand just what makes the world tick.

We started this conversation based on the movie "Sliding Doors" (I learned that you put quotations around a movie from a fellow blogger. I should have learned it in journalism school, but that was so long ago and I'm no longer in that profession). In it Gweneth Paltrow's character missed a sliding door and her world was changed. They showed both alternatives, the one where she makes the subway ride and the one where she missed it. Confused? I am. Anyway, she eventually ended up with the love of her life and happily ever after. It just took longer.

I do believe that fate has already mapped out your life. It just depends on which routes you take to get there.